These are the kinds of calls from the school that I love! Adam's teacher just called to tell me he took a reading test and scored 100 on it.... on 11th grade level... he is in 8th. 

Adam: That wasp was really hard to kill. He wouldn't die. He was all kinds of broken and kept moving.

Adam: I didn't fart. Me: Somebody did. Adam: It might have been me. I don't know, maybe. Yeah, I did it.... No, don't post it, I do not consent.

Things are looking up

So far, this year has been a lot better than the past. We did have an issue with "truancy", only because he was sick a lot and I can't take him to the doctor for every little thing. Adam's teacher this year will call me if he is having an issue, because sometimes just talking to him calms him down, but doesn't send him home unless absolutely necessary. At the last IEP meeting, we agreed that he is doing well enough to add a regular class to his schedule, Principles of Law. We are home today on a snow day, but he will start the new class this semester. I am still doing a reward (bribe, lol) system with him, so at the end of every good week, he can get a game or card to purchase new games. I've given up on taking the games away as punishment, that doesn't work, and only punishes me. I'm ready for a successful rest of the year!

Where are the qualified teachers?

I am beyond frustrated. Today was not a good day for Adam. He had a meltdown and threw his Nintendo 3DS across the room,  shattering it. Although I know this is clearly a symptom of his disability, he has to learn there are consequences, and his handheld is now gone. He will have to do chores and earn the money if he wants a new one. What concerns me more is what led up to this behavior. He has been telling me that other kids keep smacking him in the face and when he tells the teacher he is told to ignore it and move on. I have spoken to the special ed. director and she said she will find out what is going on. I am waiting to hear back. What makes me really angry is that the teacher then tells him that it doesn't matter about his game, that his mom will just buy him another one like always. First of all, he has no clue what I buy for him and under what circumstances. I have tied new games to his behavior, so if he has a good week, he can earn something. Secondly, it's no one's business how I choose to discipline my child. I have decided not to punish him for behavior at school, since there is no one there qualified to teach autistic kids, and they regularly and consistently set him up for a meltdown. I'm sick of this.

No child left behind, except those with special needs in Marshall County TN

Least Restrictive Environment (LRE) is the requirement in federal law that students with disabilities receive their education, to the maximum extent appropriate, with nondisabled peers and that special education students are not removed from regular classes unless, even with supplemental aids and services, education in regular classes cannot be achieved satisfactorily. 

Every special needs child has an IEP (Individualized Education Program) which outlines the supports they will receive at school. It is a legal document and must be followed by all school administration. Involved parents attend meetings to ensure the child's needs are met. 

It has been my experience that the law and the child's rights are dismissed and the parents made to feel intimidated for speaking out. I feel like Adam is now in a better situation than in the past, but still not ideal for the least restrictive environment, yet I am not given any acceptable options. Today I learned that not only has my nephew been pushed out of school because of behavior problems (autism), but his mother was asked to leave the meeting without any resolution. 

I have no idea what parents of special needs children are supposed to do.

https://youtu.be/IcS2VUoe12M

Finally, someone gets it.

After all the years of repeatedly explaining Adam's triggers and being met with a polite nod and knowing nothing was going to change, I think this year is going to be the breakthrough. I still cringe when I check the caller ID and see that it's someone from the school, but those calls are becoming fewer and farther between. Today's call was no exception until I listened to the voice on the other end. It was... the voice of reason... of compassion and understanding. Tomorrow is homecoming at school and the teacher called to give me the option of keeping Adam home to avoid the chaos and commotion that historically has led to a meltdown. There is nothing like that feeling of relief that finally.... someone gets it. 

Adam: We can split dessert into thirds... you get half, you get half and I get half.

Adam: Why does Sonic wear gloves? He's a hedgehog. Ainsley: So it doesn't hurt when he touches himself.

Me: Did you eat all that stroganoff? Adam: Yes is that a problem? Me: I guess 
not, it was enough for 3 people. Adam: No, it was enough for 2.

Adam: I understand wii sports is good if you live in a retirement home where all  
the old people play bowling.

Me: Here's you some ham and eggs. Adam: NOW? Me: No, yesterday. Adam: Quit trying to be funny.

Rough morning

but after several phone calls and text messages, everything got better. I told the special ed director that I can't get calls at work every day asking me to pick Adam up, and I also can't send him to school with the fear that if he has a bad meltdown the court will take him away and that I was prepared to withdraw him tomorrow and start homeschooling. She assured me that they are going to work with me and him to improve things and that those things are not going to happen. Finally, someone with some common sense. Also, the principal told me that they are having him do the 9th grade curriculum and he's doing it with no problem. 

Blame the parents

It couldn't possibly be the fault of untrained educators that my son has had so much trouble in school. It's not their fault that known triggers are ignored to the point that he is so frustrated that he pushes a table and injures a teacher. It's not their fault that he is allowed to be bullied because no one ever sees it. It's not their fault that special education laws are regularly violated. So it must surely be my fault, the one who attends every IEP meeting, tissue in hand, hoping to slow the flood gates while trying to explain over and over again how they are failing my child. It's my fault that no matter what, I will advocate for this child, knowing all the potential locked within him by an unconcerned school district. It's my fault that I will never ever give up on him because he deserves someone who believes in him.

So the outcome of the court proceeding is sort of mixed. The case has been "retired" which means that if he has no more trouble (brought to court) for a year, it goes away. The judge also informed me that if she sees him again, he will be removed from my home. I don't understand how that makes any sense. He doesn't have this kind of problem anywhere but at school, where I can't control what happens, but they want to take him out of his environment where I can control his behavior. Yes, blame the parents.

School news

School is back in session, so I guess it's time for an update. Adam is now at the high school as a 7th grader. It's not exactly what I would have wanted, but I agreed to it for a few reasons...  I had to get him out of that horrible situation he was in at the middle school. He is too old and too big and too smart to be in the elementary school. And after meeting his new teacher and principal, I felt like they would be more willing to work with him instead of sending him home every time he has an issue. The teacher has called me a couple of times and has been able to talk to Adam and calm him down for the most part. I'm hoping this is the breakthrough I've been waiting for.

Tomorrow is the day

we go back to court and I convince the judge that Adam is not a bad kid, he is just autistic and needs teachers trained to work with him. Hopefully, the report from his counselor will help. His teacher this year has been more helpful than those in the past, so we'll see what happens. Send all the good juju my way.

Adam: I don't interrupt. I start conversations.

Adam: I have really long monkey arms.

School's out.

Finally, and I couldn't be any prouder of Adam. He passed, not with flying colors, but despite being bullied for the past 2 years not only by other students, but by the adults who were entrusted to teach him and care for him. He made it. I am proud of him. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. There are things I could have done differently, but one fact remains, even if I don't do it the best way, I will always always stand up for this boy. Adam did not fail. The school failed Adam.

He's not bad, he's autistic

While raising a special needs child, a million different thoughts go through your mind a million times a day... did I do that right?.... could I have handled it differently? Fact is, no one has all the answers, we just do the best we can. What makes it difficult is when people you entrust your child to are doing it all wrong and you have to fight them every day to make it right.

 Autism is not about behavior. At all. Ever. Sure, kids with autism can exhibit undesirable behaviors just like any other child, but if they have triggers that are repeatedly ignored, and they have a meltdown, that is NOT a behavior issue, it is AUTISM. That being said, Adam has been having a lot of issues. It all came to a head last week when he was charged with assaulting his teacher after shoving a table toward her and bruising her. I am truly sorry that this happened, but this is not assault. Again, it is autism. All of this has highlighted the lack of autism training in our school system, and I will do everything within my power to make sure that is corrected. Also, I will make sure that my son's rights to an education will no longer be violated.

I've been looking for answers for over 2 years, when his behavior issues began to escalate. He was finally able to make me understand what he's been going through. He's been bullied, not just by other students, but by the adults in charge of his well-being at school.  And then, as a final insult, I was pushed into punishing him at home for trying to defend himself. 

As upset as I am about this entire incident, it may be what was needed to bring to the forefront what this child has been forced to endure. I have always been an involved parent with both of my children, and it's very insulting to have my parenting choices questioned by people who do not know me or my child at all. 

What bothers me the most is that I have let my son down, but he will know now that I have his back.