https://youtu.be/IcS2VUoe12M

Finally, someone gets it.

After all the years of repeatedly explaining Adam's triggers and being met with a polite nod and knowing nothing was going to change, I think this year is going to be the breakthrough. I still cringe when I check the caller ID and see that it's someone from the school, but those calls are becoming fewer and farther between. Today's call was no exception until I listened to the voice on the other end. It was... the voice of reason... of compassion and understanding. Tomorrow is homecoming at school and the teacher called to give me the option of keeping Adam home to avoid the chaos and commotion that historically has led to a meltdown. There is nothing like that feeling of relief that finally.... someone gets it. 

Adam: We can split dessert into thirds... you get half, you get half and I get half.

Adam: Why does Sonic wear gloves? He's a hedgehog. Ainsley: So it doesn't hurt when he touches himself.

Me: Did you eat all that stroganoff? Adam: Yes is that a problem? Me: I guess 
not, it was enough for 3 people. Adam: No, it was enough for 2.

Adam: I understand wii sports is good if you live in a retirement home where all  
the old people play bowling.

Me: Here's you some ham and eggs. Adam: NOW? Me: No, yesterday. Adam: Quit trying to be funny.

Rough morning

but after several phone calls and text messages, everything got better. I told the special ed director that I can't get calls at work every day asking me to pick Adam up, and I also can't send him to school with the fear that if he has a bad meltdown the court will take him away and that I was prepared to withdraw him tomorrow and start homeschooling. She assured me that they are going to work with me and him to improve things and that those things are not going to happen. Finally, someone with some common sense. Also, the principal told me that they are having him do the 9th grade curriculum and he's doing it with no problem. 

Blame the parents

It couldn't possibly be the fault of untrained educators that my son has had so much trouble in school. It's not their fault that known triggers are ignored to the point that he is so frustrated that he pushes a table and injures a teacher. It's not their fault that he is allowed to be bullied because no one ever sees it. It's not their fault that special education laws are regularly violated. So it must surely be my fault, the one who attends every IEP meeting, tissue in hand, hoping to slow the flood gates while trying to explain over and over again how they are failing my child. It's my fault that no matter what, I will advocate for this child, knowing all the potential locked within him by an unconcerned school district. It's my fault that I will never ever give up on him because he deserves someone who believes in him.

So the outcome of the court proceeding is sort of mixed. The case has been "retired" which means that if he has no more trouble (brought to court) for a year, it goes away. The judge also informed me that if she sees him again, he will be removed from my home. I don't understand how that makes any sense. He doesn't have this kind of problem anywhere but at school, where I can't control what happens, but they want to take him out of his environment where I can control his behavior. Yes, blame the parents.

School news

School is back in session, so I guess it's time for an update. Adam is now at the high school as a 7th grader. It's not exactly what I would have wanted, but I agreed to it for a few reasons...  I had to get him out of that horrible situation he was in at the middle school. He is too old and too big and too smart to be in the elementary school. And after meeting his new teacher and principal, I felt like they would be more willing to work with him instead of sending him home every time he has an issue. The teacher has called me a couple of times and has been able to talk to Adam and calm him down for the most part. I'm hoping this is the breakthrough I've been waiting for.

Tomorrow is the day

we go back to court and I convince the judge that Adam is not a bad kid, he is just autistic and needs teachers trained to work with him. Hopefully, the report from his counselor will help. His teacher this year has been more helpful than those in the past, so we'll see what happens. Send all the good juju my way.

Adam: I don't interrupt. I start conversations.

Adam: I have really long monkey arms.

School's out.

Finally, and I couldn't be any prouder of Adam. He passed, not with flying colors, but despite being bullied for the past 2 years not only by other students, but by the adults who were entrusted to teach him and care for him. He made it. I am proud of him. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. There are things I could have done differently, but one fact remains, even if I don't do it the best way, I will always always stand up for this boy. Adam did not fail. The school failed Adam.

He's not bad, he's autistic

While raising a special needs child, a million different thoughts go through your mind a million times a day... did I do that right?.... could I have handled it differently? Fact is, no one has all the answers, we just do the best we can. What makes it difficult is when people you entrust your child to are doing it all wrong and you have to fight them every day to make it right.

 Autism is not about behavior. At all. Ever. Sure, kids with autism can exhibit undesirable behaviors just like any other child, but if they have triggers that are repeatedly ignored, and they have a meltdown, that is NOT a behavior issue, it is AUTISM. That being said, Adam has been having a lot of issues. It all came to a head last week when he was charged with assaulting his teacher after shoving a table toward her and bruising her. I am truly sorry that this happened, but this is not assault. Again, it is autism. All of this has highlighted the lack of autism training in our school system, and I will do everything within my power to make sure that is corrected. Also, I will make sure that my son's rights to an education will no longer be violated.

I've been looking for answers for over 2 years, when his behavior issues began to escalate. He was finally able to make me understand what he's been going through. He's been bullied, not just by other students, but by the adults in charge of his well-being at school.  And then, as a final insult, I was pushed into punishing him at home for trying to defend himself. 

As upset as I am about this entire incident, it may be what was needed to bring to the forefront what this child has been forced to endure. I have always been an involved parent with both of my children, and it's very insulting to have my parenting choices questioned by people who do not know me or my child at all. 

What bothers me the most is that I have let my son down, but he will know now that I have his back.

12 Things I’d Like Teachers to Understand about Autism

Adam's point chart on the first day at his new school. He can do it.

I haven't updated lately, not because I didn't have anything to say, but I had to think about how to say it. The rules of mediation require me to keep details confidential, but I can say that we reached an agreement. It's not that I really agree, but it just suddenly made no sense to keep resisting a system that has neither the ability nor the desire to work with Adam. He will be moving to the middle school behavior program once we have an IEP meeting to work out the details.

I think I have hit on the source of Adam's problems at school. He doesn't know how to handle other kids annoying him, so he lashes out. This can be corrected in his current location. Yay.

Wonderboy just had a meltdown because something didn't go as he expected. He screamed, yelled, jumped up and down and ran around the room. I talked to him and told him I know he was disappointed and it's ok to be upset and he could sit down until he calmed down. And just like that, it was over. Why is that so hard to do that at school?

Me: You sure have this place in a mess. Adam: You sure love me.

Is that going on your blog?

Adam: Happy Birthday! Me: It's not my birthday yet. Adam: Oh, I ruined the surprise, didn't I?

Me: I didn't raise a liar. Adam: You raised Ainsley.

Me: When am I going to get your report card? Adam: Just so you know, I love you.

This mediation process is affecting my sleep. I start to take a nap, then suddenly wake up, wondering if I remembered to call someone or do something. I don't know. I don't know if I'm doing it the right way. And it's too important not to.

You would think a 2 hour school delay due to weather would be welcome to an 11 year old boy. Not so if that boy is autistic. This is a change to his normal routine, and he is already complaining. He needs to know exactly what to expect at all times and even though he is smart enough to understand it, he gets a mental block any time there is change to his routine. We'll get through it, like we do everything else.

There will be a pre hearing conference call Friday with the judge, the mediator and myself. I like this because I can explain my perspective without being told how wrong I am. I'm still working on securing an attorney in case I need one, should this end up going to due process.

I spoke with the special education director today. She called to tell me that the school system will have legal representation at the mediation. I made a few calls and was told that it wouldn't be necessary, because they aren't allowed to speak at those meetings. I just hope I can line up an advocate for that day.

It's hard being a single parent. It's also hard being an autism parent. Put them together and it's a recipe for a lot of stress and anxiety. I don't always handle things well, but I will always always push for Adam's right to an education, no matter how intimidating those IEP meetings can be. 

This school year has been a rough one so far, and I am not seeing eye to eye with the special education department in our district about some very important issues. What began as mishandling autism meltdowns morphed into behavior issues that includes screaming, rolling on the floor, cussing, and throwing things. The solution to this has been to suspend him. Adam saw this as an opportunity to go home.... every day if necessary. Now we are looking at moving him to a higher grade level school where he won't have the opportunity to attend regular classes with his friends. I was told I have no choice but I am going to do everything I can to keep this from happening. 

And then I will breathe again.