Out of his comfort zone

Adam is taking a huge step today. He has never wanted to go on school field trips, and many times I kept him home on those days. It was just too stressful for him. Today, he is going to a fishing rodeo, which is also a big thing for him, as he has a fear of bugs and does not like to go outside. He has had a lot of encouragement from teachers and friends at school, so today he is going. This makes this mama's heart happy.

It's been a while since I updated, so I am taking some time to catch up. This is Adam's third year at the high school, but his first year as an actual high school student. He has made amazing progress while there, especially this year. He has an awesome support system including the SPED department, general education teachers and friends. For the first time in his life, HE HAS FRIENDS! He is taking regular classes among typical freshmen. And he is rocking it! He had been sick and got behind in some of his work, but with the support of his "team", he will catch up. He even looks forward to going to school now. He has grown and matured and except for an occasional hiccup is learning to discuss any issues he is having with the people who can help him. Otherwise, all it usually takes is a phone call and it's handled. I AM SO PROUD OF HIM!

All of the IEP meetings, mediation, suspensions, head banging, frustration, tears, many phone calls to advocacy groups and attorneys and the fighting, yes, FIGHTING for my son's education is worth it because... THIS! 

He's ready for high school!

Even though he's been at the high school for the past 2 years, he was still a middle schooler in the behavior program there. Today he had the IEP meeting to get him registered.  I usually feel the tears welling up, and I fight it, and sometimes I flat out boohoo. Today I fought the happy tears. The goal is to have him graduate in 4 years with a regular diploma just like everyone else. He tested very high (as high as they score) in language and vocabulary, so academically, he could take AP English. However, we decided to hold back a little until he feels more comfortable in regular classes. I am so proud of the progress he has made. 

Side note: He was talking to one of the SPED teachers about all of his matchbox and hot wheels cars, and said he wanted a limousine. We continued with the meeting and after a few minutes, he got back on the car discussion. The teacher asked what it was he wanted again, a hearse? Adam didn't miss a beat and said my dad rode in one of those. The boy knows how to silence a room.

These are the kinds of calls from the school that I love! Adam's teacher just called to tell me he took a reading test and scored 100 on it.... on 11th grade level... he is in 8th. 

Adam: That wasp was really hard to kill. He wouldn't die. He was all kinds of broken and kept moving.

Adam: I didn't fart. Me: Somebody did. Adam: It might have been me. I don't know, maybe. Yeah, I did it.... No, don't post it, I do not consent.

Things are looking up

So far, this year has been a lot better than the past. We did have an issue with "truancy", only because he was sick a lot and I can't take him to the doctor for every little thing. Adam's teacher this year will call me if he is having an issue, because sometimes just talking to him calms him down, but doesn't send him home unless absolutely necessary. At the last IEP meeting, we agreed that he is doing well enough to add a regular class to his schedule, Principles of Law. We are home today on a snow day, but he will start the new class this semester. I am still doing a reward (bribe, lol) system with him, so at the end of every good week, he can get a game or card to purchase new games. I've given up on taking the games away as punishment, that doesn't work, and only punishes me. I'm ready for a successful rest of the year!

Where are the qualified teachers?

I am beyond frustrated. Today was not a good day for Adam. He had a meltdown and threw his Nintendo 3DS across the room,  shattering it. Although I know this is clearly a symptom of his disability, he has to learn there are consequences, and his handheld is now gone. He will have to do chores and earn the money if he wants a new one. What concerns me more is what led up to this behavior. He has been telling me that other kids keep smacking him in the face and when he tells the teacher he is told to ignore it and move on. I have spoken to the special ed. director and she said she will find out what is going on. I am waiting to hear back. What makes me really angry is that the teacher then tells him that it doesn't matter about his game, that his mom will just buy him another one like always. First of all, he has no clue what I buy for him and under what circumstances. I have tied new games to his behavior, so if he has a good week, he can earn something. Secondly, it's no one's business how I choose to discipline my child. I have decided not to punish him for behavior at school, since there is no one there qualified to teach autistic kids, and they regularly and consistently set him up for a meltdown. I'm sick of this.

No child left behind, except those with special needs in Marshall County TN

Least Restrictive Environment (LRE) is the requirement in federal law that students with disabilities receive their education, to the maximum extent appropriate, with nondisabled peers and that special education students are not removed from regular classes unless, even with supplemental aids and services, education in regular classes cannot be achieved satisfactorily. 

Every special needs child has an IEP (Individualized Education Program) which outlines the supports they will receive at school. It is a legal document and must be followed by all school administration. Involved parents attend meetings to ensure the child's needs are met. 

It has been my experience that the law and the child's rights are dismissed and the parents made to feel intimidated for speaking out. I feel like Adam is now in a better situation than in the past, but still not ideal for the least restrictive environment, yet I am not given any acceptable options. Today I learned that not only has my nephew been pushed out of school because of behavior problems (autism), but his mother was asked to leave the meeting without any resolution. 

I have no idea what parents of special needs children are supposed to do.

https://youtu.be/IcS2VUoe12M

Finally, someone gets it.

After all the years of repeatedly explaining Adam's triggers and being met with a polite nod and knowing nothing was going to change, I think this year is going to be the breakthrough. I still cringe when I check the caller ID and see that it's someone from the school, but those calls are becoming fewer and farther between. Today's call was no exception until I listened to the voice on the other end. It was... the voice of reason... of compassion and understanding. Tomorrow is homecoming at school and the teacher called to give me the option of keeping Adam home to avoid the chaos and commotion that historically has led to a meltdown. There is nothing like that feeling of relief that finally.... someone gets it. 

Adam: We can split dessert into thirds... you get half, you get half and I get half.

Adam: Why does Sonic wear gloves? He's a hedgehog. Ainsley: So it doesn't hurt when he touches himself.

Me: Did you eat all that stroganoff? Adam: Yes is that a problem? Me: I guess 
not, it was enough for 3 people. Adam: No, it was enough for 2.

Adam: I understand wii sports is good if you live in a retirement home where all  
the old people play bowling.

Me: Here's you some ham and eggs. Adam: NOW? Me: No, yesterday. Adam: Quit trying to be funny.

Rough morning

but after several phone calls and text messages, everything got better. I told the special ed director that I can't get calls at work every day asking me to pick Adam up, and I also can't send him to school with the fear that if he has a bad meltdown the court will take him away and that I was prepared to withdraw him tomorrow and start homeschooling. She assured me that they are going to work with me and him to improve things and that those things are not going to happen. Finally, someone with some common sense. Also, the principal told me that they are having him do the 9th grade curriculum and he's doing it with no problem. 

Blame the parents

It couldn't possibly be the fault of untrained educators that my son has had so much trouble in school. It's not their fault that known triggers are ignored to the point that he is so frustrated that he pushes a table and injures a teacher. It's not their fault that he is allowed to be bullied because no one ever sees it. It's not their fault that special education laws are regularly violated. So it must surely be my fault, the one who attends every IEP meeting, tissue in hand, hoping to slow the flood gates while trying to explain over and over again how they are failing my child. It's my fault that no matter what, I will advocate for this child, knowing all the potential locked within him by an unconcerned school district. It's my fault that I will never ever give up on him because he deserves someone who believes in him.

So the outcome of the court proceeding is sort of mixed. The case has been "retired" which means that if he has no more trouble (brought to court) for a year, it goes away. The judge also informed me that if she sees him again, he will be removed from my home. I don't understand how that makes any sense. He doesn't have this kind of problem anywhere but at school, where I can't control what happens, but they want to take him out of his environment where I can control his behavior. Yes, blame the parents.

School news

School is back in session, so I guess it's time for an update. Adam is now at the high school as a 7th grader. It's not exactly what I would have wanted, but I agreed to it for a few reasons...  I had to get him out of that horrible situation he was in at the middle school. He is too old and too big and too smart to be in the elementary school. And after meeting his new teacher and principal, I felt like they would be more willing to work with him instead of sending him home every time he has an issue. The teacher has called me a couple of times and has been able to talk to Adam and calm him down for the most part. I'm hoping this is the breakthrough I've been waiting for.

Tomorrow is the day

we go back to court and I convince the judge that Adam is not a bad kid, he is just autistic and needs teachers trained to work with him. Hopefully, the report from his counselor will help. His teacher this year has been more helpful than those in the past, so we'll see what happens. Send all the good juju my way.