Me: Stop doing that. It makes me want to strangle you. Adam: Enough with the trash talk already.

Me: I'm just getting here. Adam: What are you, a turtle?

Adam: Do you know how to tell a boy horse from a girl horse? The boy horse has shorter hair.

Adam: What's Dodger's whole name? Me: I don't know, the Artful Dodger? Adam: He doesn't paint!

Adam: I'm secretly saying 'ow'. I guess it's not a secret anymore.

Adam: I'm weird, ain't I?

Adam: I think I finally reached puberty.

Adam: Do they have cameras all over the place, even on the interstates? Me: Yup. Adam: I think we're being watched.

Adam: If we live on an old country road, why don't we talk like old country people?